4 Ways to Engage Healthy Conflict
It's inevitable that, at some point, there will be conflict in your relationship. It doesn't mean that you don't have a good relationship with your partner, though. Conflict, or arguing, is just a natural part of life, not only with our romantic partners but in other relationships, as well.
It's probably a safe bet that you know conflict when it comes to arguments or yelling. However, there is something called healthy conflict. It seems like an oxymoron—how can fighting be healthy for anyone?
The truth is, you can actually engage in a conflict that is healthy. In fact, healthy conflict can strengthen your relationship. Here are four ways to engage in healthy conflict.
4 Ways To Engage In Healthy Conflict
1. Try Not To Be Defensive
Naturally, we want to defend ourselves; it is one of our basic instincts. However, remember that it isn't always a personal attack when your partner brings up something you said or did. Instead of jumping to defense mode, think about what they are saying. You may just want to dismiss the problem altogether. Instead, try to come up with a solution together. Talking things over can prevent them from boiling out of control.
2. If Something Is Bothering You, Address It Sooner Rather Than Later
You're upset about something. Maybe your feelings got hurt, or your partner did something you weren't happy with. In cases like this, you may be hesitant to bring it up. You might question whether you are making it a big deal. So you stay silent. But staying silent when something is on your mind isn't going to make you any less upset about it. And, unintentionally, it could come to the surface later on, anyways. You can take some time to cool off before you approach them about it, but just be sure you do.
3. Criticism Should Be Constructive
You should avoid talking to your partner as if you are judging them. Or as if you are being harsh and negative. Focus on how you can work on the problem together. Instead of being accusatory in nature, shift your conversation to a neutral tone. No one wants to feel as if they are to blame for all of the relationship issues.
4. Think Of The Problem From Their Point Of View
When you are in an argument with someone, you want your opinion heard. The problem with this is that it doesn't help to resolve conflict. Conflict is resolved when both sides are actually listening to what the other has to say. Think of your partner as your teammate and not someone on the opposing side. Toxic conflict can lead you to believe that it's you against them, as if a competition needs to be won. Avoid this by making sure you both win. Working on problems together can help you resolve conflict in a way that won't leave you both feeling frustrated.
Bonus Tip: Remember, Conflict Is Normal
We are all living in a time when we are really busy. Between careers, household responsibilities, and social obligations, it's not surprising that we occasionally fight with our partners. When you are in a situation that is causing you both stress, it can sometimes get out of control. What started off as a conversation has now left you screaming and frustrated with each other. Learning to calmly and rationally approach tense conversations is essential for a healthy relationship.
If you are struggling to find ways to communicate with one another during conflict, know that there is still hope. Couples therapy can help you get to the root of your issues and repair your connection. Reach out soon to get started.
