Grieving in a Fast-Paced World: The Importance of Slowing Down
I’ve been working with grieving individuals and families for many years, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that grief does not follow a straight line. It doesn’t fit neatly into schedules, and it certainly doesn’t abide by the demands of our fast-paced world. Yet, more and more in my Seattle grief therapy practice, I’m seeing people feeling like they have to rush through their mourning, feeling pressured to “get back to normal” as quickly as possible. Whether it’s returning to work, taking care of family responsibilities, or simply trying to appear like they have it all together, there’s this societal expectation that grief is something we should move through quickly and quietly. But grief doesn’t work that way. And trying to hurry through it often causes more harm than good.
We live in a world that thrives on productivity. There’s a constant message that we need to be moving forward, checking things off our list, and staying busy. In the midst of grief, this message can be overwhelming. Many people feel like they’re falling behind if they take too long to mourn, or worse, that they’re being a burden if they don’t quickly put on a brave face and soldier on. But the truth is, grief is not a task you can “complete.” It’s a process. A slow, often messy process, that demands we give it space and not rush through it.
The Pressure to “Move On” Too Quickly
One of the hardest things about grieving in today’s world is how little time we’re given to actually do it. People are often told to “stay strong” or “keep busy” after a loss. I hear this from clients who come in, frustrated and exhausted, because they’ve been trying to “get back to normal” but feel like they’re falling apart inside. The reality is, there is no “getting back to normal” after a profound loss. Grief changes you. It’s not something you recover from, but something you learn to live with.
When we rush through the grieving process, we risk a lot. We risk pushing down emotions that need to be felt, or worse, ignoring the grief entirely. Over time, unresolved grief doesn’t just go away. It has a way of creeping into other parts of our lives, sometimes showing up as anxiety, depression, or even physical illness. Trying to rush through grief might seem like the easier path in the short term, but in the long run, it can make the process even harder.
Slowing Down and Honoring Your Grief
If there’s one piece of advice I could give to anyone grieving in today’s fast-paced world, it’s this: slow down. Grief needs time. It needs space. And it needs patience. Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, or that you’re “wallowing” in your sorrow. It means you’re allowing yourself the time you need to heal.
Here are some ways you can give yourself permission to slow down and take care of yourself during grief:
1. Feel Your Feelings
Grief can stir up a whole range of emotions—some that make sense, and others that seem to come out of nowhere. It’s not just sadness; it’s anger, guilt, confusion, and sometimes even relief. Whatever comes up for you, let yourself feel it. Don’t rush to push those feelings away or “get over” them. In my experience, the more we try to avoid our emotions, the louder they get.
2. Set Boundaries Around Your Time and Energy
One of the most helpful things you can do while grieving is to give yourself permission to say no. It’s okay to take time off from work, scale back on social obligations, or tell people you need some space. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you’re managing your grief. If you can, let your loved ones or colleagues know that you’re not able to take on as much right now, and that’s perfectly fine.
3. Make Space for Stillness
In a world that values constant movement, stillness can feel uncomfortable. But giving yourself quiet moments to reflect is an important part of healing. Whether it’s through journaling, meditating, or simply sitting with your thoughts, find ways to create space in your life to just be. These moments of stillness allow you to process what you’re going through and to connect with your emotions on a deeper level.
4. Take Care of Your Body, Too
Grief isn’t just emotional—it’s physical, too. It takes a toll on your body in ways that can be surprising. Simple self-care, like getting enough sleep, eating nourishing food, or going for a walk, can make a big difference. You don’t need to embark on any grand self-care routines. Just focus on the basics: rest, hydration, gentle movement. Your body is carrying the weight of your emotions, and it deserves care.
5. Don’t Go Through It Alone
Grief can feel isolating, especially when the world around you is moving forward while you feel stuck. Find people you can lean on, whether it’s friends, family, or a support group. It’s okay to talk about your grief, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Sometimes just having someone listen, without offering solutions or trying to fix things, can be incredibly healing.
6. Redefine What It Means to Be “Productive”
During grief, productivity might look very different than it did before. And that’s okay. Instead of measuring productivity by what you accomplish, try to reframe it as taking care of yourself in the ways you need. Some days, being productive might mean getting through the day without breaking down. Other days, it might mean allowing yourself to cry or spend time remembering your loved one. Healing is its own kind of work, and it deserves just as much respect as anything else.
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Grief isn’t something you can rush. It’s a journey that needs to unfold at its own pace, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to honor that. Slowing down in a world that’s always pushing you to go faster can feel difficult, but it’s also an act of courage. It’s a way of saying, “I’m going to give myself the time I need to heal.” And that, in the end, is one of the most important things you can do. In my grief therapy practice I’ve walked this road with many people: there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, but there is tremendous value in giving yourself the grace to move through it slowly. Please contact me if you would like to learn more about how grief therapy can help you.